The Secret Life of Melanie O.
 
Monday, January 18, 2010
The great cockroach debacle of 2010
I was lying in a warm bath last night. After a day of running errands and doing laundry, it felt great to lie back and feel my muscles return to a state of stasis. Bliss.

Bliss, that is, until I spotted a large, ominous black object on the wall just above the foot of my bath. It looked like a big black flat Brazil nut, except that Brazil nuts can't crawl up the wall. At least, not the last time I checked.

I immediately did what any self-respecting bathing woman would do: I yelled for my husband.

"Dan!"

The noise reverberated around the bathroom (the acoustics are excellent), and the cockroach shuddered at the decibel level and flew behind the curtain, which is hanging directly over the center of my bath. I had succeeded in driving the little creep ever closer to my head, which was where it would surely try to climb into my nose.

I used to live in Florida. Every year, there were stories of how flying cockroaches would crawl into people's noses and mouths while they slept. I'm sure they did it while people were in bathtubs, too.

Dan rushed into the bathroom and I pointed at the curtains, babbling about a big ugly bug. "Geez," he said."I thought maybe you hurt yourself." 

He dutifully poked around the curtain. "Careful!" I pleaded. "They love to drop - it's their only defense, and it will land right in the tub on top of me!"  I almost jumped out of the tub, but I tried to maintain my composure while Dan got a tissue and picked the Brazil nut off the curtain.

Except he didn't get all of it. The cockroach's head detached from its body and landed at my feet - kerplop - right in the tub. I let out a large "Ewww!" and was about to jump out of the tub again (my muscles were no longer in stasis) when Dan managed to scoop the head out of the bath.

But now my bath had cockroach juice in it. I have never washed so quickly in my life and reached for my razor to shave my legs when something brushed against my ankle. "My gawd," I thought. Is there another bit of cockroach in here?

I quickly pulled the plug and hoped that the offending creature would get caught in the vortex of the exiting water and go down the drain, when I looked a bit closer.

It was the plastic safety cap of my razor.

Feeling rather silly, I finished shaving my legs and got out of the tub while visions of Alien danced through my mind. Cockroach heads don't have eggs in them, do they?

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posted by Melanie O. at 9:06 AM -
7 Comments:
  • At 9:45 AM, Blogger David said…

    No cockroaches in Ireland :-)

     
  • At 1:28 PM, Blogger Melanie O. said…

    No snakes? No cockroaches? How'd you get so darn lucky? ;)

     
  • At 10:16 PM, Blogger David said…

    They all moved to Australia as soon as reasonably priced transport was available. Sensible critters :-)

     
  • At 6:22 PM, Blogger Kanani said…

    Ugh!

     
  • At 9:39 AM, Blogger Kanani said…

    Hey, I just referred a lady to you. Here's her site: Wife Of A Wounded Soldier. You might want to offer some insight to her.

     
  • At 7:23 AM, Blogger gardenbug said…

    You remind me of a story when you were a little girl. There was no screen door on the basement "walk out" door. Sometimes bugs got into the house. I especially detested moths.
    I was sweeping the stairs, when something flew up in my face. Augh! a moth! I hit it with my broom again and again. The damn thing wouldn't die. It kept flying up in the air.
    There I was screaming and hitting with my broom. Beth came over to see what the ruckus was.
    I was hitting a dandelion flower.

     
  • At 5:04 AM, Blogger Gallimaufry said…

    Hahahaha! Loved the stiry, even though I'm a bit sorry for the trauma which lead to this post :)

     
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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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