The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Beyond couplehood
It’s true what they say: when you get married, you cease being an individual and wind up being something that I like to call a Spousoid. At first, you are a Couple. You occupy the same space, but you are still individuals and there are plenty of misunderstandings as you both manoeuvre your way into your “space” in the relationship hierarchy.

After at least two or three years of living together, you progress beyond being a Couple. You develop an invisible wire between the two of you, and you start to finish each others’ sentences and can read each others’ minds. You instinctively know when the other one is unhappy about something, and it rubs off on you like the girly glitter they put on the bath bombes in the Lush shop. You and your mate are now a Spousoid.

Your evening conversation dwindles to a few nods and grunts. You don’t need to say anything. You already know about everything that needs to be said. If you need to express more, you have sex. You know each others’ clothes sizes. He knows where you set your car keys down, and you know where he set his glasses down, even though neither one of you were present when the initial acts occurred. Simultaneously, you’ll both declare you feel like pizza for dinner. You both gain weight and you both want to use the loo at the same time.

This couple has obviously been together for a while.

Becoming a Spousoid is insidious in its lack of warning symptoms. One day, you go from being a Couple, with separate interests and habits, to this creature that has just melded together. If you used to be active in the evenings and he was always a couch spud, you’ll find that you are a couch spud more often, and he will find himself out to meet the friends for Peking Duck on a Thursday night when he least expects it.

I have to warn my single friends who keep saying that they'd like to be in a long term relationship, or *gasp* even get married: this, too, will happen to you in one form or another. Even couples who live apart can tell when the other one is in some kind of trouble. Yes, you can run, but you can not hide from the Spousoid.

posted by Melanie O. at 7:56 PM -
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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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