The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Monday, November 28, 2005
First day on the new job
I've just come home from my first day at my new job, working for one of New South Wales' largest charities. I went, with a bit of dread, due to my last work experience, which was like something out of the Twilight Zone. To my surprise and delight, not only did I not come home with a headache, I actually had enough of an appetite for dinner.

My mistake in my last job, was to not listen to my gut feelings during the job interview. You know, when you've got something gnawing at the back of your mind after an initial impression of a place, it's best to pay attention to it, otherwise, you wind up with a gaping hole somewhere. (It usually has something to do with your sanity.) How often have I sold my soul for a few measley bucks because there were bills that had to be paid!

Things I have learned from job interviews:

If you walk into a business for an interview, and no one in the office is talking or laughing or looking like they're enjoying their work, then you'd better turn around and leave.

Every office has one Career Bitch. She wilI be jealous of your balanced home and office life and thinks you should sacrifice ALL to the Company, like her. She also thinks you should be miserable. Like her. Learn who this person is in your office and avoid her like the plague. If she's your boss, learn to like antacids and find a good dentist who can repair your teeth after you're done grinding them.

If you go for an interview and the interviewer "checks you out" before asking any questions, then be prepared to have to listen to dirty jokes for the entire time you're employed there. And when you do finally leave, be prepared to be treated like the cheating lover.

If you go to an interview and no one gets your jokes or laughs with you, you shouldn't be working there.

If you go to an interview and everyone seems really uptight and "professional," it's because they're hiding their misery under a veneer of corporate plywood.

Messy desks are the sign of a productive mind.

Clean cubicles are the sign of a rabid office manager who will make sure you cover your kids' photos with a tea cosy every night before you leave.

Beware of any office with one word inspirational messages like "Dare," "Leadership" or "Soar" superimposed on photographs, hanging on the wall. You will be expected to put in 50 hours a week on a regular basis, and get paid for 40.

Someone PLEASE kick me if I think of going back to the corporate world. No - better than kick me - tie me up, spank me with a wooden spoon, and make me watch Jerry Springer reruns.
posted by Melanie O. at 7:29 PM -
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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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