The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Please turn down the decibels

Most women, when having a discussion on the merits of men, will disagree to a certain extent about what they find personally attractive about the opposite sex. Some like long hair. They see "romantic poet/misunderstood artist" when a man has long hair. They also see Fabio.

Some women like muscley guys with "butch" haircuts. These guys are into sports, cars, Penthouse magazine, and guns. The women that love them are the long-suffering, understanding, patient type (ie: not me).

Other women prefer Men in Suits. Men in Suits represent money, power, and summer homes on the lake. My uncle is one of these guys (and a nice guy, too.)

Then, of course, there is Mr Outdoorsman. He hunts. He camps. He fishes. His back-to-nature personality brings out the beast in her.

And then there's me. My guy is your typical Mr Nice Guy. Oh sure, he can fix things. He wears a safety uniform to work every day. He was BIG into Formula One racing, until Michael Schumacher made it boring to watch. He's tall, but a "gentle giant." He has grumpy days, and he has great days. He's perfect for me, with one small exception. He is LOUD.

He learned that from his mother, who is also LOUD. She grew up with hard-of-hearing parents and so had to always shout to be heard. But that learned trait never went away. And she passed it onto her son. He is so loud, I'm afraid to take a personal call over my mobile phone BECAUSE ANYONE WITHIN A SIX METRE RADIUS WILL BE ABLE TO HEAR BOTH SIDES OF THE CONVERSATION. Which can be embarrassing, as he often calls to talk dirty to me. However, I have to hold the phone away from my ears, or he blows out my eardrums. To make matters worse, he often calls me from inside his truck.... with the engine running ... while he's being unloaded by cranes or forklifts, AND HE FEELS HE NEEDS TO SHOUT AT ME IN ORDER FOR ME TO HEAR HIM OVER THE BACKGROUND NOISE.

Whenever he stubs his toe or drops something, he is LOUD. I think it's a major crisis and come running to see what disaster has just transpired. But no, he's just commenting on something he's read in the mail, or he's banged his elbow on the door frame. When he snores, paint chips fall off the ceiling. He's woken himself up with his own nighttime reverberations. I usually have to banish him to the guest room in order to get a good night's sleep. Turn him over onto his side? He'd blow a hole through his pillow.

On a positive note, he can keep a room full of people entertained. In fact, when he's not there, I often feel at a loss at what to say to people, as I've gotten so used to his exceptional decibel level and garrulous nature. I've told him many times that he should become a public speaker or go into politics (his penchant for getting up on his Soap Box is another trait that I'll have to discuss later.)

I am sure one day I will appreciate his loudness. No doubt, I will be 85 years old and deaf myself. At least, I am hoping that he will be there with me, TALKING LOUDLY ... and snoring ... and keeping me awake.
posted by Melanie O. at 9:47 PM -
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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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