The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
You can tell a man by his jeans
In the Vietnam era, every person under the age of 40 started to live in jeans. Jeans came off the farm and the mines, and into haute couture with Gloria Vanderbilt's black jeans. Jeans are great - you can dress them up or down, you don't need to wash them every time you wear them, and they're sturdy.

Some men (and women) shouldn't wear jeans. Jeans don't look good on everyone. If you're a curvy woman (like me), it's difficult to find a pair of jeans that flatter your figure. Jeans are honest - they don't lie about your shape (or anything else.)

I have a theory that you can tell what kind of man you are dealing with, by the kind of jeans he wears. Basically, there are four categories - all of whom I have either dated or been married to.

Guy Number One's jeans are always new or immaculate. He is always buying a new pair every few months, and tosses the older pairs away as soon as they a) get stained, b) get a hole in them c) go out of style or d) lose that crisp "new" feel. Beware this guy. He is always looking for what's new, flash, and hip. He changes girlfriends almost as often as he changes his socks. He won't commit to anything, especially not to you. You'll never be good enough. No one's good enough. Except for Mom.

Guy Number Two is Mr Half and Half. Half of his jeans are dressy, immaculate, and stylish. He wears them out with Italian boots and silk shirts to European style restaurants, but he has one or two pair of old, sloppy jeans at home. Maybe one's got a rip at the knees. This guy is the kind that's good at keeping up appearances, but when at home, likes what's comfortable and familiar. Overall, not a bad thing unless you look at his sex life. He likes having the comfort of a wife, but the excitement of having someone "on the side." It's worth giving him the benefit of the doubt, but as soon as he starts throwing away all of his "comfy" jeans, you know you're in trouble.

Guy Number Three's jeans are all at least three years old. They're all a bit big on him. There are holes at the knees and the seams are a bit ragged. He never wears a belt with them. The pockets have holes in them. His jeans see the washing machine maybe once a season - when they're nice and stiff. Beware this guy. He's charming, but irresponsible. He'll seem committed, but really, he just can't be bothered looking around for someone else. He still thinks he has a chance to become a Rock Star. If he has underwear, it's old and the elastic is tired and worn out - if he wears underwear at all. His appearance is a plea for a responsible woman to keep him in the manner to which he'd like to be accustomed.

Guy Number Four is what any woman would call a "catch." Most of his jeans are comfy, fit well, and are a little worn, but not falling apart. Some of them have motor oil or dirt stains on them. These are a working man's jeans. He uses his jeans for more than show. Jeans that show that a guy isn't afraid of getting down and getting dirty, without falling apart, is the best of all. This guy has premium jeanetic makeup and is welcome to mix in my jean pool.
posted by Melanie O. at 8:53 PM -
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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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