The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Too much testosterone
You know that saying: be careful what you wish for? Well, I am here to confirm that not only is this a wise saying, it is a curse.

I grew up in household with lots of estrogen. There was my poor dad, surrounded by three women with PMS every month, but let me tell you, it was no fun being a girl in the household and having PMS and putting up with two other women's PMS. A tooth cleaning at the dentist would have been more fun.

So, I grew up wishing that a) I had an older brother who would protect me from the household madness, and b) that I was secretly adopted and I was really the heiress to some obscure monarchy. It was only later that I found out that older brothers tend to torment and beat up their younger siblings, not protect them.

When I got married (the first time) and got pregnant, I secretly hoped that my firstborn would be a son, due to my being traumatized by too much estrogen during my formative teenaged years. Imagine my absolute delight, after 8 hours of labor, when I found out (after waking up from the anesthesia,) that I had a son! Whoo hoo! He was the light of my life and pride and joy. I bought a deluxe edition baby keepsake book, and saved every hospital memento: everything from his baby bracelet to the hospital booklet called Caring for Your Newborn. Every milestone from the first tooth to his first steps and innoculations were meticulously recorded. When he could first hold a pencil, I got him to draw pictures for me. Every new experience was a joy. I filled out almost every page of the keepsake book. We paid a professional photographer a lot of money for baby pics.

When I got pregnant again, I wished for a girl. I thought "a girl would be perfect! That would make our family complete." But son number two came into the world. I bought a baby keepsake book and kept most of the hospital mementos, including the baby bracelet. I filled out about a half of his book. Not because I loved him any less, but because I had less time for those kinds of things. I bought a Polaroid camera and took my own pictures.

I got pregnant a third time and thought: "this is it. It's going to be a girl. I've already had two boys. So, the odds have to be in my favor." But, no, it was another boy. I bought a cheaper baby keepsake book (we were too broke to get a deluxe edition,) and I saved his baby bracelet and other mementos. I've filled out maybe a third of the book. There are some Polaroid baby pics around somewhere.

I got divorced and remarried. We decided to have a child together, and I thought: "new gene pool. It's going to be a girl to round out our family." It was a bouncing baby boy! We bought a baby keepsake book and put his bracelet and other hospital mementos in it. I think I've filled out about a quarter of it. My husband took the baby photos and kept all of them after we split up.

By about the time my oldest was six years old and in school, I felt like I was drowning in testosterone. I was outnumbered five-to-one. We tried remedying this by going to the SPCA and getting me some kittens. We brought home two adult cats.

posted by Melanie O. at 7:10 PM -
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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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