The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Men - a mixed blessing
My husband is like a lot of men: fairly easy to figure out. He loves his food, his DVDs, his trains, and his wife. The order in which he loves these things varies from day to day. On any given day, however, his hands can be found firmly planted on my rear-end. He has a bum fetish - and luckily, he married a woman with a J-Lo bottom. I am happy to oblige.

There are those times, however, when he is a bit more mysterious. Like this past holiday season. Most men have difficulty picking out gifts for their other half. Mine not only kept it all a secret - he did a great job of picking out some gifts for me. This has not always been the case, but I am always prepared to show delight at whatever he gets.

Last year, he specifically asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him that I wanted some rings resized. I have small hands. That means that I almost always have to get my rings resized. It costs $45 per ring here to get it done. I would have been thrilled to get a couple of rings resized and called it my "big" present.

Instead, he felt that he had to buy me something. I don't even remember what it is that he bought. Not that I'm not thankful - but I still have rings that are too large. One year he bought me a tacky Christmas tree in a perspex case from which Styrofoam balls of "snow" showered from the top. I "proudly" displayed it that year.

He also loves to rearrange and reorganise things. This doesn't necessarily mean that he cleans as he goes. He just likes to:
a) throw things of mine away before checking with me to make sure it's something I want thrown away. This is why I had no mattress for my king-size bed for a long time. One day I had a mattress - the next day I didn't. The mattress was only five years old and in fairly decent shape.
b) put things in bins. I know where all of my things are. After Dan gets to them, I have no idea where they are - but neither does Dan. A couple of weeks ago, I wanted my hand mixer to make eggnog. Where was my hand mixer? Dan had put it in a bin in the garage. But he couldn't remember which bin it was in. I wound up making eggnog in the Cuisinart.

Living with a man has its ups and downs, but overall, the ups far outweigh the downs. I think back to how we met (Internet penpals) and how we wound up married (a five day engagement after we set eyes on each other in person for the first time,) and I've learned that there is no secret or magic formula. You learn to deal with the goofy presents and the lost or misplaced items. And you buy ring guards from eBay and resize your own rings.

A small price to pay for a guy who thinks you have the greatest butt in the world.

Addendum: Tonight I decided to make pasta salad - enough to last a few days to accompany the usual soups that we have for dinner. One of the ingredients is chopped coriander. I bought some fresh chopped coriander when we did our weekly grocery shopping a few days ago. We shop together, I pay for the groceries, and my dear husband unloads the groceries when we get home.

I couldn't find the coriander. I checked all through the fridge. Where was the coriander? I yelled for Dan. "Where did you put it?"

He rushed into the kitchen and pulled the coriander out - from the pantry! It was a mushy, nasty green mess and went straight into the garbage bin. I swore in front of him I think for the first time ever. Dan saw me with a chopping knife in my hand. I had fresh coriander in my hands within ten minutes - and we'll have pasta salad tomorrow.

And I let him grope my bum.
posted by Melanie O. at 6:18 PM -
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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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