The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Monday, June 12, 2006
The great lingerie audit
We had a three day weekend in New South Wales, in honor of the Queen's birthday, which really isn't in June (it's in April.) I think that the Aussies decided they needed a long weekend for the start of the winter season. In the nothern hemisphere, you've got Christmas, Hanukah and Ramadan - here in the southern hemisphere, you've got a long weekend to honor the birthday of a woman who is known mainly for her big hair - and hats.

It's been raining fairly steadily for the past week or so, for which I'm actually grateful, as the dam level might go up one or two percent. And I'm getting organised at home, since I don't want to go out and wind up with big hair, myself.

So, I went down to the grocery store and bought some Ziplock bags to get my lingerie organised. My lingerie situation has gotten out of hand. I can never find what I want, so my solution is to buy more. I wear what I buy, wash it, and then it gets lost in the pile of frilliness. I then buy what I can't find (even though it's already there - somewhere.) And thus the mound of lingerie piles ever higher and starts to overflow my dresser drawers.

Picture, if you will, a little blonde woman digging through drawers full of lace, satin, and lycra, tossing what she finds on the bed, and then surveying the mess with a look of dismay on her face that can only rival what Napoleon must have looked like when faced with Waterloo.

Slowly, but surely, I matched bras to panties and put each set in a baggie so that I
wouldn't have to worry how to sort them at 6 am when I am neither coherent nor have any dress sense. I have gone to work with mismatched underwear, inside out on many an occasion. The only reason my outer garments were all right was because I picked them out to wear the night before.

My sorting was interrupted only by
my husband who decided, as I was in the middle of counting, to tell me how great I look in underwear and to nibble on my rear end. What a guy.

After my frenetic, but ordered sorting, I wound up with:

  • 15 pairs of matched underwear,
  • 10 pairs of panties with no matching bra (I stopped counting after 10)
  • 5 bras with no matching panties
  • 5 full body teddy briefs (spandex for the soul)
  • 4 waist cinchers
  • 1 girdle
  • 5 garter belts
  • 3 half slips
  • 4 camisoles with matching panties
  • several baby doll sets
  • 1 satin short robe
  • 2 longline panties for trousers (no panty lines)
  • and a partridge in a ... well, you get the idea.
My husband surveyed the mismatched pile, and said, "I suppose this means we'll have to make a few more trips to the lingerie store."

He has such a hard life with me.
posted by Melanie O. at 3:26 PM -
  • At 8:32 AM, Blogger gardenbug said…

    When I was in school, some girls majored in home economics. The orderly running of a household included cooking, food preservation, sewing, cleaning, nutrition, child rearing, budgeting, laundry. Care of clothing was studied. If you had taken that class, you would have learned that all the underwear, er, lingerie you need is seven sets. By the time you put on the seventh set, you did the laundry. To be generous to yourself, you could have 10 sets or 12 even dozen. I don't know anyone who had more than 12 sets of undies, including socks. By the time I put 12 sets of underwear away in my chest of drawers, the drawers are full...full enough for me. The bottom drawers are full sweaters , night gowns and knit tops. When a set wears out, I buy another one.

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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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