The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Taking care of business
Most people, once they are past the age of 40, come to the realisation that they aren’t going to live forever, and that they had better take care of themselves. The muscles start to sag, the belly protrudes, vision deteriorates and the gumline recedes. Since Dan and I are going away overseas to see relatives, we figured we'd go in the best shape possible, and since we can’t afford liposuction and botox, we opted for the next best thing: a visit to the dentist and to the ophthalmologist.

Our dentist is a funny guy. He could have been a stand-up comedian in another life. He always makes comments when Dan comes in, about how Dan needs to floss. I’m not sure his message is
getting through. He told Dan that he would collect all of the food particles between Dan’s teeth and save them for lunch. Ew.

Our dentist has an equally vivacious and giggly assistant. I am thinking she sneaks whiffs of the sodium pentothal when no one’s looking. We go to the dentist every year to be entertained while we have our teeth cleaned and bonded. All dentists should take note. Your patients will have less anxiety if you use dental humor. There should be a course for this in dental college.

Dan had a wisdom tooth removed and I had a sensitive tooth bonded. We both have Hollywood smiles – from 1930.

Next, it was on to the ophthalmologist’s for eye exams. Our eye doctor is also a pretty funny guy. He decided to show Dan what it would be like to have my eyes. He slipped on some goggles with
the appropriate lenses inserted, and Dan could see every pore in his hand, but couldn’t see far enough to walk through the doorway without losing his sense of direction. Dr Scott (as we affectionately call him) and I had a giggle. Secretly, we are just both jealous of the fact that Dan’s far sighted.

After we received our prescriptions for lenses, we headed down to the optometrist’s to pick out frames for glasses. I don’t wear mine that often, but after
five years in the same Calvin Klein’s, I decided I needed a change. My first ever pair of glasses was a cobalt blue cat's eye style that was ten years out of date in 1968. I hated them and never wanted to wear them. That's one of the great things about being a grown up. Since I'm paying - I get to choose. The assistant there helped me pick out a trendy pair of burgundy colored half frames that any 20 year old would be proud to go clubbing in, and Dan got a silver pair. Ironically, now that I'm a grown-up, I think cat's eye glasses are cool.

No one could accuse us of being too conservative when it comes to fashion.
I’m not sure what we were on when we picked out our frames. Maybe the dental assistant snuck in some sodium pentothal when we weren’t looking.
posted by Melanie O. at 4:40 PM -
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About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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