The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Monday, January 18, 2010
The great cockroach debacle of 2010
I was lying in a warm bath last night. After a day of running errands and doing laundry, it felt great to lie back and feel my muscles return to a state of stasis. Bliss.

Bliss, that is, until I spotted a large, ominous black object on the wall just above the foot of my bath. It looked like a big black flat Brazil nut, except that Brazil nuts can't crawl up the wall. At least, not the last time I checked.

I immediately did what any self-respecting bathing woman would do: I yelled for my husband.


The noise reverberated around the bathroom (the acoustics are excellent), and the cockroach shuddered at the decibel level and flew behind the curtain, which is hanging directly over the center of my bath. I had succeeded in driving the little creep ever closer to my head, which was where it would surely try to climb into my nose.

I used to live in Florida. Every year, there were stories of how flying cockroaches would crawl into people's noses and mouths while they slept. I'm sure they did it while people were in bathtubs, too.

Dan rushed into the bathroom and I pointed at the curtains, babbling about a big ugly bug. "Geez," he said."I thought maybe you hurt yourself." 

He dutifully poked around the curtain. "Careful!" I pleaded. "They love to drop - it's their only defense, and it will land right in the tub on top of me!"  I almost jumped out of the tub, but I tried to maintain my composure while Dan got a tissue and picked the Brazil nut off the curtain.

Except he didn't get all of it. The cockroach's head detached from its body and landed at my feet - kerplop - right in the tub. I let out a large "Ewww!" and was about to jump out of the tub again (my muscles were no longer in stasis) when Dan managed to scoop the head out of the bath.

But now my bath had cockroach juice in it. I have never washed so quickly in my life and reached for my razor to shave my legs when something brushed against my ankle. "My gawd," I thought. Is there another bit of cockroach in here?

I quickly pulled the plug and hoped that the offending creature would get caught in the vortex of the exiting water and go down the drain, when I looked a bit closer.

It was the plastic safety cap of my razor.

Feeling rather silly, I finished shaving my legs and got out of the tub while visions of Alien danced through my mind. Cockroach heads don't have eggs in them, do they?

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posted by Melanie O. at 9:06 AM - 7 comments
Monday, January 04, 2010
My predictions for 2010

Whether you believe in such things or not, my grandmother had me convinced at a young age that I was indeed precognitive or psychic. Personally, I think I am the world's biggest skeptic, but I thought, this year, being the start of a new decade, that I'd record some predictions for the coming year. At the end of the year, I expect to get a big laugh out of myself - but maybe my grandmother was right. Anyway, here are my Top 10 predictions for 2010.

1) President Obama will have a major health scare. I hope someone's keeping a close eye on his health. (I'm kind of hoping that this one is just my own feelings of anxiety being projected.)

2) There will be strife between Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell. Hmmmm...

3) Turkey will experience an earthquake.

4) There will be a tunnel collapse in the NY subway system. However, it will be in a disused line and there will be no casualties. It won't be as a result of terrorist activity.

5) A major solar flare will degrade and possibly disrupt communications for a couple of days.

6) There will be a bacterial-based epidemic that will prove resistent to antibiotics. It will prove to be worse than MRSA.

7) The first wedding will be performed in space.

8) Yet another actor will run for political office. This time, it will be a woman.

9) Scientists will discover a way to curb the obesity epidemic. It will involve a minor surgical procedure to the brain.

10) The economic recovery will continue. Buy stocks now while the prices are good!

I'll be sure to check back on this next January to see how I do. In the meantime, if you have your own predictions, let us know what they are. (Please do this in the spirit of fun that it's intended to be.)

All the best,


posted by Melanie O. at 7:12 PM - 8 comments

About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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