The Secret Life of Melanie O.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
It's the world's smallest violin and it's playing just for me
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Dan's been asking me all week for extra cash because he doesn't have enough for new work boots or fuel for his car. Of course, I don't mind at all - these are necessities. And then I found out why he's so short on funds.

He decided he wanted to get me a belated Mother's Day gift. He bought me a violin. He knows I used to play as a kid and have talked about learning again. But Dan doesn't know a thing about violins. He went to eBay and bought me a child's 3/4 size violin - a cheap made in China job from which I can't get any sound.

When he realised how bad it was - I could see the disappointment well in his eyes. He meant to surprise me with something special - but this is badder than bad. I will be surprised if he can get his money back. The violin came without the bridge attached. He took it to our local music shop, who asked him if he bought it off the Internet. They wouldn't even look at it. So, we've glued the bridge on and are hoping for the best.

I suppose it may make a nice wall decoration at some point. And I know I shouldn't be irritated, but, in essence, I'm the one that paid for this waste of wood.

I take comfort that his heart was in the right place, though. At the end of the day, I appreciate the gesture. Not too many husbands go out and buy their wives violins.
posted by Melanie O. at 4:47 PM - 7 comments
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Just when you give up...
... something good happens!

I heard from my mother that Andy has resurfaced - in Florida, $25,000 richer! He's on new medication (which is apparently working) and he actually called to ask for financial advice after a win in the Florida lottery. A year ago, he would have blown through the money in a month or two.

I'm so happy at this moment. I'm off to write another letter!
posted by Melanie O. at 3:17 PM - 8 comments
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Dan's haircuts
I am many things to my husband: cook, therapist, mistress, housekeeper, personal shopper, and, to top it off, I'm his beautician.

Dan's not what you would really classify a metrosexual, but he likes to look neat most of the time. When we got married, he went off to get his hair cut, as most men do, and I thought the results were rather uninspiring. But hey - he was doing the right thing. The next time he needed a trim, I offered to do it for him, just to see if it would come out any better than what he could get at the cut rate salon. I'd been cutting my sons' hair for years and if they liked their haircuts, maybe Dan would, as well.

The first haircut was a huge success, and Dan, seeing that he was on to a good thing (free haircuts!) made requests for eyebrow tweezings to thin out his monobrow, and ear hair trimmings. Thankfully, he didn't ask me to trim his nose hairs.

I am quite happy to do this for him. I can't blame anyone but myself if his haircut comes out looking horrid, and it gives us a chance to chat and joke around without other distractions. Dan says the best part is that he gets to ogle my boobs without repercussions. He says that was a common fantasy he had whenever a woman cut his hair (just so you cosmetologists know - in case it wasn't already obvious.) I've warned him never to fondle me mid-haircut unless he wants part of his ear clipped off.

You know, it's these little silly things that keep couples together. I hope he never goes bald.


posted by Melanie O. at 4:54 PM - 0 comments
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Brazen hussy
I've decided that I am a brazen hussy. I'm not ashamed of my body, don't mistreat myself, and am not afraid to give my opinion if asked for it. Some people call that being brazen. If that's brazen, then I guess I'm proud to be so.

In the past week or so, there's been a huge hubbub about 15 year old Miley Cyrus baring her back for Vanity Fair magazine. I saw the photo. It's sweet and not suggestive, and yet there was such a huge outcry from people who called her "slutty" and accused photographer Annie Leibovitz of creating child porn. A legacy of our Puritanical roots, no doubt. Miley was neither brazen nor slutty. She is, however, trying to transition out of the pre-teen music industry. She's not going to be a kid forever.

All of these unflattering labels we throw at women - "slutty," "brazen," "trampy," and worse, make me want to laugh. Most of the time, it's women calling other women those names. How sad!

My husband loves the fact that I'm a brazen hussy. He lusts after me like a teenager. How good is that for my ego? I think every husband should lust after his wife. Imagine how much happier we'd all be. Maybe we wouldn't have wars or child abuse.

Sometimes it's nice to be naughty. Now you'll have to excuse me .... I have to find some trashy lingerie to wear. Dan comes home from work in an hour.
posted by Melanie O. at 5:57 PM - 0 comments

About Me
Name: Melanie O.
Home: Durham, North Carolina, United States
About Me: Female, American health and beauty-conscious professional who has rekindled a childhood love of dolls.
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